Facing it.

This morning I decided to face the music and step on a scale, and stop hiding from the fact that I’ve gained 18 pounds from my lowest weight, and about 12 from where I was most of last year.

On the plus side, all my clothes still fit (though some are noticeably snugger.) On the down side, I can definitely see the difference when I look at photos from my first half marathon.

Bummer, and time to start calorie counting again. I’ve admittedly been a little out of control with unhealthy habits (eating too much junk, drinking too much, skipping workouts because “I’m tired” or “I would rather do crafts.”)

This is my food for today (I haven’t entered in dinner yet because I don’t know what I want to eat.) My goal is to eat as little sugar as possible (especially added sugar, but definitely trying to keep my naturally occurring sugar in check!) for at least the next couple days, if not a week or two, because I’m on sugar overload these days.

Case in point: I just ate a bowl of chili. Then I looked at the graham crackers sitting on my desk and thought I’d like to eat them. I told myself “If you are hungry, you can eat the hard boiled egg in the fridge” and suddenly realized I was so full that the thought of eating an egg was kind of gross, I had just wanted something sweet. Is this what sugar addiction is?

In other news, oatmeal with no sugar (aside from a tablespoon of raisins) is not bad! Neither is unsweetened coffee, as long I add a ton of almond milk.

Additionally, I may be unable to meet my goals if I want to eat 1600 calories and get 30% of my calories from protein. 120g of protein is kind of a lot. (in the picture above it’s factoring in the calories I “earned” from exercise. I haven’t decided if I want to eat back all my exercise calories to net 1600, or some percentage of them so my net might fall a bit short and leave me at a deficit.)

One thing I can say is that this has made me reevaluate what my “goal weight” is. Because to reach what I set as my “goal” in 2010 would require me losing 35 pounds from where I am now, and I just don’t know if that’s possible OR maintainable. As of now, my goal is lose 5 before Thanksgiving weekend (10 year high school reunion that weekend!), then an additional 15-20 before I start training for the Brooklyn Half (race will be in May, so training will start in March-ish). From there I’ll see, but from where I sit now I think I will be comfortable with maintaining there, assuming I can get there to begin with.

meal plan